In 9 days, I will co-sign a lease for an apartment in Birmingham, Alabama. That thought sinks in deeper and deeper with each passing day. On Thursday, I was blessed to spend time with two friends that I've known most of my life. We laughed a lot, we reminisced and even took a trip to our old high school to watch former classmates practice for an alumni football game. At the end of the evening, I got in my car and cried on the way home, knowing that it's the last time I get to see these two fabulous ladies for a few years.
On Saturday, we had a crazy, busy moving sale. Again, we were blessed with selling off almost everything we needed to get rid of. After all, moving into a 2 bedroom apartment does not leave room for the insane amount of "stuff" we have acquired over the years. I believe that brass went out as decoration in the early 90s, so why it's been boxed up and moved from house to house, I don't know. At first, it was very freeing - the "stuff" no longer controlled me. This was a way of organizing my life and getting down to the bare minimums. What can I live without for 3 years? I can assure you - more than I ever thought. I got emotional carrying my prayer bench out to the driveway to sell. This bench saw me through the pain of my brother's cancer diagnosis, fight and ultimate death. I remember the night before he passed away, on my knees face down on the bench praying for God to not let him suffer anymore. To this day, that was one of the hardest prayers I've ever prayed. It also saw me through heartache of failed relationships, disappointments of life in general, and happiness when I met Jeff. But see, there's not room for my prayer bench in the apartment and it truly is one of those things I can live without. I can get on my knees in any space, I don't need a pretty bench for prayer. I can cry out to God anywhere that I am, I don't need a fancy cushion.
Saturday night, we spent time with family at Fluor eating BBQ and funnel cake, and watching the fireworks display. I looked at my family - my wonderful husband, my beautiful daughter Heather, my brothers, sister-in-laws, niece and nephew and realized how good life is. We are all healthy and they have been a tremendous support system for me and my mom. I know in the coming days and months, my mom is going to need them and they will be there for her.
On Sunday morning, we went to NewSpring's Anderson campus. It was almost 2 years ago that I first walked through those doors. How much has changed in those 2 years. Jeff got saved and baptized, Heather got baptized, and I know that my entire family has grown in their faith and relationship with God. Once the worship music started, all 3 of us got teary, knowing that it will be awhile before we get back. Yes, it's on the internet and we will watch, but it's not the same as seeing the intensity of Lee McDerment's face as he sings from his heart, or the joy of Elizabeth Embler as she worships from the stage.
Sunday night was the family cookout. We had a great time and were happy that Robin and Eric Longino joined us. At the end of the night, each person gave us a hug and that's where the emotions started. I was okay with the first batch as they left- after all, this is my stepfamily and some of them I just don't know as well as others. At the end came Rob, Pam, Cody and David. I've grown very close to this family over the past two years. Often my partners in crime, we have fun and they are always there when I need them. I love them so much and it hurt my heart when Cody hugged my goodbye. I love that kid! I got in my car and the water works started again, only this time really hard.
Today was the worst hurt of all. Heather stayed with us this weekend and we took her home this afternoon. As she packed up her bedroom and her bathroom to take with her what she wanted, I had to leave the room and take a lot of deep breaths. I didn't birth Heather or Chelsea, but I don't think I could love them any more if I had. I know this separation is temporary and we will still see them as often as we possibly can, but that ride to Boiling Springs sucked. In the driveway, Jeff & I took turns hugging Heather and it ripped my heart out. I witnessed the sacrifice my husband is making for me to live my dream and a part of me feels so selfish. But not only is law school for me, it is also to be an example to the girls that they can do anything, at any age. It is so my family can have a good, comfortable life. But if it meant losing my family, I would give it all up in an instant and take law school off the agenda for good. While law school will fulfill me professionally, there is nothing that fulfills me or makes me more complete than Jeff and the girls and my friends and family. I am so happy that Jeff is excited about this adventure and knows that the pain is temporary and a speed bump to get the ultimate prize.
I know that the next few days are going to be hard, but I am excited to begin this adventure called law school. My job with the County has ended and I'll be working these next 2 weeks to organize and pack. Much planning has gone into this over the last year and a half and logistically it appears the details are being taken care of. However, none of the planning prepared me for the feelings I have about leaving my friends and family and the only home I've known for most of my life. But, as long as my new home includes Jeff, it's the only home I need and I know that I'll quickly make new friends - not to replace the ones I have currently, but to extend my network even further.
No comments:
Post a Comment