Potty Etiquette

I work in a public building, a very public building. As such, there are no "private" or "employee only" restrooms. All my life, I have had issues going to the bathroom in a public restroom. And no, it doesn't matter if it's to pee or poop; I don't discriminate and have issues with both. So, since it is not feasible for me to hold my pee for sometimes up to 10 hours a day and drink water to stay healthy, I have had to get over my issues and use the public restrooms. I have been known to go to four different restrooms in search of one that isn't occupied. So, as I'm dealing with my issues (bulls&*t that admitting it is half the battle) I'm laying out some basic bathroom etiquette:

1. Flush the dang toilet!! I am amazed at the number of times I see a toilet that is not flushed. And apparently, non-flushers don't discriminate either because it doesn't matter is it's pee or poop. You know whether you flushed or not. And don't blame it on your kid! If you are a parent, you should be responsible enough to check behind your child. If it doesn't all go down the first time, stand there and wait and flush again. Keep repeating until the toilet is clean.

2. Clean up after yourself. There is no reason to have toilet paper, the seat covers, Kleenex, tampon wrappers (and God forbid-tampons themselves) all over the floor. If you drop something, pick it up. If it lands in something wet, it doesn't make it okay to leave it there.

3. If you pee on the seat (and how the hell do women do this anyway?!), wipe it off before you leave the stall. If you don't want to sit down in it, I can assure you that no one else does either.

4. Don't begin to unbutton your pants, pull up your skirt, or pull down your pants before you go into a stall. It's bad enough I have to look at your muffin top belly overhanging your jeans with the fabric covering. I certainly don't want to see what's under there.

5. If we are walking into the bathroom and know each other, it's okay to make conversation UNTIL YOU GO INTO THE STALL. Once the door shuts, so should your mouth. I really don't want to talk about your weekend or what you did last night while I'm attempting to pee. This may also cause stage fright and then I'll be there all day.

6. Get off the freakin' cell phone! I don't want to hear your conversation and I can just about guarantee that the person on the other side of the phone doesn't want to hear what you are doing at that moment. You think they don't know you're in a bathroom? That's right, there are always an echo and the sound of waterfalls in downtown Greenville.

7. Don't put your kids in the stall with you - this is a recipe for disaster and not only that, they all think it's funny to peek under the stall and say hello to the person next to you. Not cool!

8. Wash your hands after you are done. Isn't this something that we all learned no later than first grade? So, do you think that germs just fall off you after a certain age? It's not okay to not be clean. This is how disease is spread. Forget tainted spinach, tomatoes, or beef - it probably started because the people handling it didn't wash their hands after they went potty.

See, the rules aren't difficult at all. It should be common sense, but unfortunately, today common sense just isn't all that common.